DafterLafter - 28 July 2004

 

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=====> Seriously Scottish Clean Jokes For The Whole Clan
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The Bog Monster

The world's most outrageous bathroom gag!

Attach the Bog Monster to your favorite toilet and let
the games begin! Attaches using simple suction cups.
When they lift the lid they'll get a surprise they won't
likely soon forget! Fun for all ages, works on everyone.

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INTRODUCTION:

Today we had some new furniture delivered and it made me
think of one of those questions. Why do they build furniture
that is wider than doors BUT maybe the question is why do
they build doors that are narrower than pieces of
furniture so my question is what is the question?

If you've ever heard the Bernard Cribbins song 'Right Said
Fred' then you'll have a pretty good idea what went on, if
you've never heard that song then download it so that you
can know what I'm talking about... eventually it all got in.

Take care and have a great day.

As always... remember not to work too hard (just don't
blame me if you get fired).

Phil

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QUICK JOKE

My husband decided life would be easier if he wired a new
light switch in the master bedroom to save us from fumbling
in the dark for the lamp. He cut through the drywall and
found a stash of bottles and small boxes inside the wall.

"Honey!" he called excitedly. "You've got to come here and
see what I found."

I ran in and quickly realized that his next task would be to
fix the hole that now led into the back of our medicine
cabinet.

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CARTOON TIME:

Kitty Sleep Walking?
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An 18 Carrot Ring
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Increased Productivity
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200407/006.htm

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FUN PAGE

This is a platform-type game which is actually fairly
difficult (well, I think so... maybe I'm just a little
rusty on platform games) let me know if you think
differently.

Alien Hominid...
http://www.ezines4all.com/alienh.htm

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IS Your Computer SAFE From Hackers And Viruses?
Learn where to download free firewall and anti-virus software
to protect your computer from attacks and from viruses.
Learn about some of the tools and methods hackers use.
Learn steps to take to prevent intrusion.
Learn more about spyware, pop-ups and other online dangers.

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DATING TIPS

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that
he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he
do?

His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers,
and on the card invite her to your apartment for a
home-cooked meal?"

He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later,
the woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day
to see how things had gone.

"I was totally humiliated," he moaned. "She insisted on
washing the dishes."

"What's wrong with that?" asked his mother.

"We hadn't started eating yet."

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HOW THINGS CHANGE

People over 35 should be dead.
Here's why ...........

According to today's regulators
and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40's,
50's, 60's, or even maybe the early 70's probably shouldn't
have survived.

Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based
paint.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or
cabinets, ... and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets.

(Not to mention the risks we took hitchhiking.)

As children, we would ride in cars with no seatbelts or air
bags.

Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was
always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.
Horrors!

We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank soda pop with
sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were
always outside playing.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one
bottle, and no one actually died from this.

We would spend hours building
our go-carts out of scraps and then rode down the hill,
only to find out we forgot the brakes.

After running into the bushes
a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as
long as we were back when the street lights came on. No
one was able to reach us all day.

NO CELL PHONES!!!!! Unthinkable!

We did not have Playstations,
Nintendo 64, X-Boxes, no video games at all, no 99
channels on cable, video tape movies, surround sound,
personal cell phones, personal computers, or Internet
chat rooms.

We had friends! We went outside and found them.

We played dodge ball, and sometimes, the ball would really
hurt.

We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones and teeth,
and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

They were accidents.
No one was to blame but us.

Remember accidents?

We had fights and punched each other and got black and
blue and learned to get over it.

We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate
worms, and although we were told it would happen, we did
not put out very many eyes, nor did the worms live inside
us forever.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's home and knocked on
the door, or rang the bell or just walked in and talked
to them.

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team.

Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment.

Some students weren't as smart as others, so they failed
a grade and were held back to repeat the same grade.

Horrors!

Tests were not adjusted for any reason.

Our actions were our own.
Consequences were expected.

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was
unheard of.

They actually sided with the law. Imagine that!

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers
and problem solvers and inventors, ever.

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and
new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we
learned how to deal with it all.

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