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=====> Seriously Scottish Clean Jokes For The
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It's time to be BLOODY FUNNY!
Wounded Finger
Fake Blood
Fake Skin
Bloody Razor Blade
Fake Arm
Nail Thru Finger
Bloody Soap
Bloody Mouth Capsules
http://www.greatworldmedia.com/gagsplus15.htm
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INTRODUCTION:
OK, I'm calling on you for help. Yesterday Lizzie,
my mother
and I decided it would be a good time to book a
Christmas
break. I'm sick of having dull uneventful
Christmases just
with family where you all fall out with each other
and
aside from that the day is uneventful. Plus, this
year is
my Mums first Christmas on her own so it'd be nice
to get
away. The problem is that everywhere I phoned
where I'd be
interested in staying was fully booked up and had
huge
waiting lists for reserves. My requirements are
that they
can accomodate the three of us (anywhere in the
UK) for
probably four to seven nights. None of us drink
alcohol
so lots of 'complimentary' drinks aren't
appreciated. We
are quite fussy eaters... although in my case this
is
easily satisfied by a good childrens menu.
I don't like 'fancy' food but my ideal Christmas
dinner
would have to be:
Turkey, Roast Potatoes, Potato Croquettes,
Chipolata
Sausages, Yorkshire Puddings, sage & Onion
Stuffing,
Carrots and lots of gravy... mmmmmm... I've made
myself
drool again. My favourite part is the sage & onion
stuffing,
I could eat a plate of that alone. I'm looking
forward to
tomorrow as we're having friends over for a roast
which
pretty much includes these ingredients. I don't
mind the
cooking but due to my peripheral neuropathy I find
doing
the dishes impossible... so I hope, for Lizzies
sake, that
they volunteer to help! ::hint hint:: I know you
read
this guys!
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
Q. Where would you find a duck with no legs?
A. Where you left it.
Q. What's pink and hard?
A. A pig with a flick knife.
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CARTOON TIME:
Appealing To The Younger Generation...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200406/070.htm
Sacking With A Smile...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200406/071.htm
Baby Clones...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200406/072.htm
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FUN PAGE
Catch all the bombs by moving your mouse around!
This little
game is fun and addictive... easy to play...
difficult to
master!
Kaboom!...
http://www.ezines4all.com/games/kaboom.htm
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Special Diabetic Shoes
Anti-Bacterial, Anti-Fungal. Life Style Shoes
Custom made. 3 free inserts. Guaranteed.
Just $49.99.
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POINTS TO PONDER
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they
are
considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks
have
branches?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat
round?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but
it's only a
"penny" for your thoughts"? Where's that extra
penny going to?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing
the clothes
you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we
figured out
it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby"
when
babies wake up every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still
called a
hearing?
If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory,
will they
fire you?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then
put
money in binoculars to look at things on the
ground?
How come we choose from just two people for
President and
fifty for Miss America?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're
going to see you naked anyway.
If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does
he/she call?
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DO YOUR OWN DETECTIVE WORK FOR FREE,
Save the $150/day plus expenses
Get NetDetecive NOW to find out practially
anything about
anyone!
http://www.greatworldmedia.com/offers/netdet.htm
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A BATCHELOR DIET
Monday
Breakfast - Who can eat Breakfast on a Monday?
Swallow some
toothpaste while brushing your teeth. Lunch - Send
your
secretary out for six "gutbombers" - those little
hamburgers
that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five
cents. Also
order French fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink
and have
her stop on the way back for a family size bottle
of Maalox.
Afternoon Snack - Drink the Maalox. Dinner - Six
pack of beer
and Kentucky fried chicken three-piece Dinner,
don't eat the
coleslaw.
Tuesday
Breakfast - Eat the coleslaw. Lunch - Go to the
office vending
machine and put ninety five cents in and close
your eyes, push
a button and eat whatever comes out swallowing it
whole to
prevent nausea. Dinner - Four tacos and a pitcher
of Sangria
at El Flasho's.
Wednesday
Breakfast - Stomach couldn't handle breakfast
after a night at
El Flasho's. Lunch - Rolaids and a coke. Dinner -
Drop in at
a married friends house and beg for scraps.
Thursday
Breakfast - Order out for pizza. Lunch - Your
secretary is
out sick, check Mondays gutbomber sack for
leftovers. Dinner
- Go to a bar. Ask the bartender for extra olives.
Friday
Breakfast - Eggs, sausage and an English muffin at
McDonalds.
Eat the Styrofoam plate and leave the food. It
tastes better
and it's better for you. Lunch - Skip Lunch,
Fridays are
murder. Dinner - Steak, well-done, baked potato
and asparagus.
Don't eat the asparagus, nobody really likes
asparagus.
Saturday
Breakfast - Sleep through it. Lunch - Ditto.
Dinner - Steak,
well done, baked potato, and brussel sprouts.
Don't eat the
Brussel Sprouts. Take them home and plant them in
a hanging
basket.
Sunday
Breakfast - Three Bloody Mary's and a Twinkie.
Lunch - Eat
Lunch? And waste a good buzz? Dinner - Chicken
noodle soup.
Call home and ask about renting our old room.
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Do you currently us an inhaler for a respiratory
illness?
There is a more effective and cheaper alternative
available.
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