DafterLafter - 18 July 2004

 

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=====> Seriously Scottish Clean Jokes For The Whole Clan
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Presenting... The Worlds Largest... UNDERWEAR

These things are huge!

The possibilities are endless.. Great gag gift, idea.
Hilarious for picnics and parties.. great conversation
piece.. Or have Jared from Subway autograph them! Whatever
you choose to do with them, they are sure to make your
friends laugh every time!

http://www.greatworldmedia.com/gagsplus14.htm

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INTRODUCTION:

Hello and welcome to another fun packed issue with cartoons
and jokes for amusement.

God bless all of you on the most special and precious day of
the week - Sunday - the saviours day :-) No need to ask who
that means as there is only one saviour and that is Christ
alone :-)

Phil

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QUICK JOKE

Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new
colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on
the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly
picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said
into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this
afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime,
thank you for your good wishes, sir." Feeling as though he
had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked,
"What do you want?"

"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just
here to hook up your telephone."

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CARTOON TIME:

Religion 101...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200406/067.htm

G-O-D or D-O-G?...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200406/068.htm

Team Work...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200406/069.htm

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FUN PAGE

I got the URL for yesterdays fun page wrong so let's try
again. http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/goldenballs/index.htm

I found this one and thought it's worth sharing, it's quite
a large file so be patient with the download as it's well
worth the wait:

http://www.jibjab.com/thisland.html

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A VACATION IN ROME

A man walked in to Joe's Barber Shop for his regular haircut.
As he snips away, Joe asks "What's up?"

The man proceeds to explain he's taking a vacation to Rome.

"ROME?!" Joe says, "Why would you want to go there? It's a
crowded dirty city full of Italians! You'd be crazy to go
to Rome! So how ya getting there?"

"We're taking TWA," the man replies.

"TWA?!" yells Joe. "They're a terrible airline. Their planes
are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they're always
late! So where you staying in Rome?"

The man says "We'll be at the downtown International Marriot."

"That DUMP?!" says Joe. "That's the worst hotel in the city!
The rooms are small, the service is surly and slow and they
are overpriced! So whatcha doing when you get there?"

The man says "We're going to go see the Vatican and hope to
see the Pope."

"HA! That's rich!" laughs Joe. "You and a million other people
trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good
luck on THIS trip. You're going to need it!"

A month later, the man comes in for his regular haircut. Joe
says, "Well, how did that trip to Rome turn out? Betcha TWA
gave you the worst flight of your life!"

"No, quite the opposite" explained the man. "Not only were we
on time in one of their brand new planes, but it was full and
they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were
wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old flight attendant
who waited on me hand and foot!"

"Hmmm," Joe says, "Well, I bet the hotel was just like I
described."

"No, quite the opposite! They'd just finished a $25 million
remodeling. It's the finest hotel in Rome, now. They were
overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the Presidential
suite for no extra charge!"

"Well," Joe mumbles, "I KNOW you didn't get to see the Pope!"

"Actually, we were quite lucky. As we toured the Vatican, a
Swiss guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained the Pope
likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be
so kind as to step into this private room and wait, the Pope
would personally greet me. Sure enough, after 5 minutes the
Pope walked through the door and shook my hand. I knelt down
as he spoke a few words to me."

Impressed, Joe asks, "Tell me, please! What'd he say?"

"Oh, not much really. Just "Where'd you get that awful haircut?"

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WORDS

Rearrange the letters in the words below and you may be
surprised at what you find.

DORMITORY: DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN: BEST IN PRAYER

DESPERATION: A ROPE ENDS IT

THE MORSE CODE: HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES: CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY: IS NO AMITY

MOTHER-IN-LAW: WOMAN HITLER

SNOOZE ALARMS: ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT: IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES: THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO: TWELVE PLUS ONE

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