DafterLafter - 16 July 2004

 

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=====> Seriously Scottish Clean Jokes For The Whole Clan
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Lawn Loonatix Garden Gnomes

Garden Gnomes are little characters for your garden, but
work just as well in potted plants, on porches, decks and
patios and well as make a great centerpiece for any table!
Hand painted and made of heavy duty rubber your Gnome will
bring a happiness and cheer for years and years to come!

Don't just use your imagination, come and see exactly what
each of these gnome titles really means...

Full Moon Gnome - The original mooning garden gnome
Nature Call Gnome - You can't avoid mother nature
Pull! Gnomes - A little help from a friend is always good!
Hunting for Worms Gnome (w/exposed butt) - Say no to crack
Shoulder ride Gnomes - Good friends are hard to find
Headstand Gnome - Gnomes have fun too

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INTRODUCTION:

Yesterday I thought I'd sent out the lists nice and early so
I went off for the night to watch TV. When I came back I was
wondering why I'd had no mail replying to the lists. I
checked and found out that I hadn't sent out the
confirmation emails and as a result the lists were several
hours late... I can only apologise for delaying your daily
dose of fun and laughter, I just hope you found something to
keep you occupied.

Take care and have a great weekend.

God bless,

Phil

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QUICK JOKE

A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing
the letter "R" and all the other kids were, of course,
teasing him about it. To help him out, the teacher gave
him a sentence to practice at home: "Robert gave
Richard a rap in the ribs for roasting the rabbit so rare."
In class a few days later, the teacher asked the boy to
recite the sentence out loud.

The boy nervously eyed his classmates--many of them
already laughing at him--then replied, "Bob gave Dick
a poke in the side because the bunny wasn't cooked
enough."

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CARTOON TIME:

Osama Hunting...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200406/061.htm

Scoop The Poop...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200406/062.htm

Fish Seperation...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200406/063.htm

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FUN PAGE

Here we have a Dancing Hillary Clinton...
http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/dancinghillary/index.htm

And for those of you who aren't in to watching people dance,
why not have a go at our Psychic Quiz...
http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/psychicquiz.htm

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THE BLONDE KIDNAPPER

Jodi, a blonde, was down on her luck. In order to raise some
money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind
a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid.
Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it
under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of
the playground. Signed, Jodi -- the Blonde."

Jodi then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him
home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a
paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. Jodi opened
the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How
could you do this to a fellow blonde?"

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REFLECTIONS ON AGING....

~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying
about your age and start bragging about it.

~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in
line for.

~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I
want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a
long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to
youth, think of Algebra.

~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to
the top.

~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is
that it is such a nice change from being young.

~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

~ Long ago when old men cursed and beat the ground with
sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.

~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have
anything to laugh at when you are old.

~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day
has been.

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