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=====> Seriously Scottish Clean Jokes For The
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INTRODUCTION:
Today we thought it'd be nice to visit my Mum who
lives in
Perth which is around 90 minutes in total from
where I live.
We thought it'd also be nice to take her out for a
meal and
I looked up a place online and it looked like it
had a
decent menu, afterall it served my favourite dish
which is
pizza garlic bread with cheese.
The place is called 'Sportsters Bar and Grill' and
we all
went in and ordered Macaroni and Cheese, Fries and
a Garlic
Pizza Bread with Cheese to share. When I say we
ordered...
this was 'eventually' we waited so long I went
over to the
bar and asked if we had to order at the bar. What
annoyed
me as well is that people who came in after us
were served
before us.
The Macaroni and Cheese came wrong and we sent it
back, when
it returned it fries were cold and the offending
tomato had
just been scraped off as had the side salad we
requested not
to receive... the Macaroni was rubbery, greasy and
tasteless but this was nothing at all on the
garlic pizza
bread with cheese. I mentioned it's my favourite
so I order
it pretty much everywhere I go but this was,
without any
doubt, the worse I have ever had. It arrived with
no cheese
and no garlic... it had lots of white flour coming
off of it
and it was totally soaked through with grease. We
sent it
back and we got another one (this was a side
order) after
we'd decided not to risk eating any Macaroni. The
2nd one
was no better it was completely inedible soaked
and grease
and had flour coming off it and no taste of garlic
whatsoever... so we didn't eat that either.
When we were asked if everything was fine we told
them
exactly what we thought of it and how it had
ruined a
nicely planned day (We actually missed the train
home we
wanted to get because the service was so slow). We
told
them how disgusting the food was on. They charged
full
price and just said the comments would be 'taken
on board',
what I would have expected was for the so-called
Chef
and the manager to come and apologise to me in
person...
what is happening to good old-fashioned service? I
did
not enjoy offending my taste buds by putting that
in
my mouth and we only paid for it to avoid creating
a
scene in public.
Right, that's enough ranting... enjoy the jokes!
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
From a passenger ship one can see a bearded man on
a small
island who is shouting and desperately waving his
hands.
"Who is that?" a passenger asked a passing
steward.
"I've no idea. Every year when we pass by, he goes
nuts."
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CARTOON TIME:
Marge Simpson Lets Herself Go...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200406/055.htm
Monkey Photos...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200406/056.htm
Microsoft World 3000BC...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200406/057.htm
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FUN PAGE
This really is the most annoying page on the
internet...
http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/annoying.htm
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EVERYTHING'S BIGGER IN TEXAS
A recently retired Nebraska farmer went to Dallas
for the first vacation he had taken in his entire
working life. He checked into a downtown hotel,
but when he got to his room he immediately called
the front desk.
The farmer said, "This here bed kin sleep the
whole Cornhuskers football team! I only wanted a
regular-sized bed."
The clerk responded, "That is a regular size bed,
sir. You have to remember that everything's big
in Texas!"
The farmer went to the hotel's bar and ordered a
draught beer. When he was served, he said to the
bartender, "This is as big as a milkin' pitcher.
I only asked for a glass of beer!"
The bartender answered, "That is a glass of beer,
sir. You have to remember that everything's
big in Texas!"
When the waiter in the hotel's dining room brought
out the steak the farmer ordered for dinner, the
farmer exclaimed, "That steak's as big as my
thigh,
the baked potato's bigger 'n a watermelon, and
this corn-on-a-cob's as big as a baseball bat!
Where'd this come from?"
The waiter replied, "It's all local, sir. You
have to remember that everything's big in Texas!"
When the waiter asked the farmer if he wanted to
see
the dessert menu, the farmer said he might be able
to squeeze something in, but after consuming all
that food and drink he needed to use the restroom
first.
The waiter directed him to go down the hall to the
first door on the right.
By this time, the farmer was quite inebriated and
mistakenly went through the first door on the
left.
He walked across the tiled floor and fell into the
swimming pool. When the farmer came sputtering to
the surface, he yelled out, "For gawd's sakes,
please
don't flush!"
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BARGAIN CLOTHES
Sven and Ole, who are both from Northern
Minnesota, traveled
down to Texas for a vacation. While walking along
a busy
downtown street in Dallas, they see a sign in a
store window
which reads, "Suits $5.00 each, Shirts $2.00 each
and
Trousers $2.50 a pair." Ole says to his pal,
"Sven, look at
dat! Ve could buy a whole bunch of dese clothes,
take 'em
back to Minnesota, sell 'em to all our friends,
and make a
fortune!"
Ole continues, "Now ven ve go in dere, don't you
say a
vurd, okay? Yust let me do the talkin' 'cause if
dey hear
your accent, they might tink ve're ignorant
Norvegians, and
dey von't vanna sell dem clothes to us. Now, I'll
talk like
I'm a Texan, so dey von't know."
Ole and Sven go in and Ole says with his best fake
Texas
accent, "Howdy, y'all. Ah'll take 50 of them there
suits at
five dollahs each, 100 of them there shirts at two
dollahs
each, and 50 pairs of them there trousers at
two-fifty each.
So, Ah'll just back up mah pickup and......"
The owner of the shop interrupts, "Ya'll are a
coupla
Norewegians from Minnesota, ain't you?"
"Vell . . yah," says a surprised Ole . "How'd you
know dat?"
The owner replies, "Cause this here's a
dry-cleaners."
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