DafterLafter - 26 June 2004

 

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====> Welcome to DafterLafter
=====> Seriously Scottish Clean Jokes For The Whole Clan
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=======> Unsubscribe Instructions at the bottom

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INTRODUCTION:

Proof that the world's gone mad!!! We've found a selection
of signs from around the world for you to see.

http://www.ezines4all.com/pics/signs.htm

Enjoy them, and enjoy the rest of what's on offer today!

Phil

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QUICK JOKE

Have you ever noticed that when a traffic signal turns
green, automatically it activates the horn of the car behind
you?

If money doesn't grow on trees, then why do banks have
branches?

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CARTOON TIME:

Does Everything Come From The Internet?...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200406/016.htm

No Time To Leave My Desk...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200406/017.htm

Island Transport Infrastructure...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200406/018.htm

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FUN PAGE

Kick some field goals but the higher the level the tougher
it gets with distance, wind and accuracy all taken into
account.

Field Goal...
http://www.ezines4all.com/games/fieldgoal.htm

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For Home...

Save on Long Distance starting at just 3.45¢ per minute.
Low-cost Internet service, cellphones and more.

Telephone services for your home

Internet access

Computers and accessories

Satellite TV

How low can long distance go? Check out our rate calculator
for comparison shopping.

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MEXICAN COWBOY AND GOLD THEIF

Pancho holds up the stage coach coming out of Gila Bend and
steals the payroll for the mines in Ajo.

Riding off toward the border with the gold he realizes that
his horse can't carry him and the weight of the gold, so he
buries it and makes a map in his head of where it is.

Pancho then takes off for the border knowing he can always
come back later and retrieve the gold and become the richest
man in his province.

The Sheriff hearing of the holdup puts together a posse and
chases Pancho across the desert and catches him at the
border. Putting him in hand and leg irons the sheriff finds
that Pancho can not or will not speak english.

The Posse then takes Pancho to a little ranch where the
only cowboy present is also from Mexico and can interpret
for them.

"Tell him to tell us where the gold is" says the Sheriff.
Juan, the cowboy then tells Pancho what the sheriff said.
"Tell him to go to hell" says Pancho.

Juan turns to the sheriff and tells him. "Tell him we'll
let him go with just a year in the county jail if he tells
us or he'll do five years in the prison at Yma," says the
sheriff.

Juan tells Pancho. "I can do five years standing on my
head" says Pancho. Juan relates this to the Sheriff who
grabs the front of Pnocho's shirt and jams his .45 into
his ear.

"Tell him if he doesn't tell I'll shot him here and now"
says the Sheriiff.

Juan tells Pancho and Pancho says, "okay, I don't want to
die yet, and tells Juan where the gold is hidden.

"Well" demands the sheriff, "what'd he say, did he say
where it is?"

Juan thinks quickly of his life as a poor cowboy, "Naw,
Pancho says for you to give it your best shot."

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Camcorder Techniques Made Easy...

"Here's The Quickest, Easiest Way To Shoot Quality Footage
On Your Camcorder, So Good, Your Friends Will Think You
Hired A Professional."

(So Don't Even Think About Shooting Another Video Until
You've Read This!)

Discover the quick and easy techniques that will transform
a tedious home movie into a Dazzling video production!

http://hop.clickbank.net/?LABLaughs/kmsvideo

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FIGHTING FIRE

One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside
the local chemical plant. Before long it exploded into
flames and an alarm went out to fire departments from miles
around. After fighting the fire for over an hour, the
chemical company president approached the fire chief and
said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the
center of the plant. They must be saved! I will give
$50,000 to the engine company that brings them out safely!"
As soon as the chief heard this, he ordered the firemen to
strengthen their attack on the blaze. After two more hours
of attacking the fire, president of the company offered
$100,000 to the engine company that could bring out the
company's secret files. From the distance a long siren was
heard and another fire truck came into sight. It was a
local volunteer fire company composed entirely of men over
65.

To everyone's amazement the little fire engine raced
through the chemical plant gates and drove straight into
the middle of the inferno. In the distance the other
firemen watched as the old timers hopped off of their rig
and began to fight the fire with an effort that they had
never seen before.

After an hour of intense fighting the volunteer company had
extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas. Joyous,
the chemical company president announced that he would
double the reward to $200,000 and walked over to personally
thank each of the volunteers. After thanking each of the old
men individually, the president asked the group what they
intended to do with the reward money. The fire truck driver
looked him right in the eye and said, "The first thing we're
going to do is fix the dang brakes on that truck!"

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Gel Candle Recipes 101

Gel candles are a fairly new type that are becoming more
widely spread than you could even imagine. Crafters are
going wild expressing themselves with these new fairly easy
to make candles. Lots of great gel candle projects. You'll
be the praise of your family and neighborhood using these
wonderful gel candle recipes. Learn how to make your own gel
candles. NEW!!! Now Including free standing gel candles.
These pillars are sure to amaze even the most experienced
gellers.

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