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====> Welcome to DafterLafter
=====> Seriously Scottish Clean Jokes For The
Whole Clan
======> Owned by http://www.GreatWorldMedia.com
=======> Unsubscribe Instructions at the bottom
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INTRODUCTION:
Last night I decided, to be lazy, that I wanted to
order in
a pizza for dinner. So, I phoned Pizza Hut and
they said
that it'd be 2 1/2 hours before they could deliver
and they
only had a large pan base left... nothing else. I
said as I
only ever order a small pizza would they charge me
for just
that seeing as it was their problem? The reply was
'no' so
that branch of pizza hut has lost my custom.
Instead, still wanting to eat pizza, I telephoned
my local
chip shop (who also happen to do pizzas) and asked
them for
a 12" garlic bread with cheese... I'm not joking
when I say
it was at my door in around five minutes of me
getting off
the phone... sure beats 2 1/2 hour... and the
pizza was
really nice too... better than Pizza Hut who can't
do
garlic pizza bread with cheese and just have
crappy garlic
bread... which when you get they don't put it
under the
grill long enough so the cheese is hardly
melted... let
alone crisped up... and they have greasy pizzas...
and
greasy pizzas make me ill... when I get a 12"
pizza I can
usually eat 1/4 to 1/2 of it and even then that's
after I've
swollowed a metoclopramide, a lansoprazole and a
couple of
codeine... even someone with pancreatitis deserves
a treat
once in a while.
Anyway, enough talking about food, I hope these
jokes and
toons are a treat for you.
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
During Operation Desert Storm, I was a legislative
affairs
officer for Gen. Norman Schwarzkopf. Often I was
required
to transport gifts, sent to him from patriotic
Amerians,
from Washington, D.C., to his home base in
Florida. On one
trip I "escorted" a four-foot teddy bear dressed
in
fatigues and wearing a name tag reading "Bear,"
the
general's nickname.
As I boarded the plane, I explained my mission to
the flight
attendant and asked if she could store the bear in
first
class. She was honored to do so, and I disappeared
into the
coach section. Then, just before takeoff, an
announcement
came over the intercom: "Colonel Preast, would you
please
come up to first class? We have an extra seat for
you to sit
next to your teddy bear."
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CARTOON TIME:
I Take You Seriously...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200406/013.htm
Digging The Streets Up...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200406/014.htm
Cow Abduction...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200406/015.htm
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FUN PAGE
Have you visited some of our classic fun pages
yet?
The Most Annoying Page On The Internet...
http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/annoying.htm
The Densa Test
http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/densa.htm
Click the Dot
http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/dotclick.htm
The Reflex Tester
http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/reflex.htm
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BARBECUING
Definition of Outdoor Barbecue
It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will
do:
When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the
following
chain of events is put into motion.
(1) The woman goes to the store.
(2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and
dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking,
places it on a
tray along with the necessary cooking utensils,
and takes it
to the man, who is lounging beside the grill,
drinking a
beer.
(4) The man places the meat on the grill.
(5) The woman goes inside to set the table and
check the
vegetables.
(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the
meat is
burning.
(7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands
it to
the woman.
(8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them
to the
table.
(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and
does the
dishes.
(10) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her
night off."
And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes
that
there's just no pleasing some women.
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TEN AGAIN
A man asked his wife what she'd like for her
birthday. "I'd
really love to be ten again" she replied
wistfully.
On the morning of her birthday, he arose early,
got up, made
her a nice big bowl of Frosties and then took her
off to
their local theme park. What a day! He put her on
every ride
in the park: the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear,
the
Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there
was.
Five hours later she staggered out of the theme
park. Her
head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
Right away, they journeyed to a McDonald's where
her loving
husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries
and a
refreshing chocolate shake.
Then it was off to the cinema to see the latest
blockbuster, complete with a hot-dog, popcorn, a
big fizzy
drink, and a huge bag of M&M's, her favourite
sweets.
What a time she had!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and
collapsed
into bed exhausted. He leaned over his precious
wife with
a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well, Darling,
what was
it like being ten again?"
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly
changed.
"You idiot", she replied. "I meant my dress
size..."
And the moral of the story:
Even when a man is listening, he's still going to
get it
wrong.
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