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====> Welcome to DafterLafter
=====> Seriously Scottish Clean Jokes For The
Whole Clan
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INTRODUCTION:
People always ask me why a computer savvy person,
such as
myself, has an AOL account. Both of my sisters
have AOL
accounts and they are what can only be described
as
'technologically challenged'.
Speaking of 'technologically challenged' my server
still
seems to be chugging along despite Robbie messing
around
with it. I can't say too much on the subject
because he's
said if I do then he'll delete ezines4all.com, and
that
wouldn't be good for anyone... especially him...
well, it
could be quite profitable for his dentist.
Aggresively,
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
Bill, I want you to drink a cup of hot water every
morning,"
the doctor ordered. "Hot water. Do you understand?
A man
your age needs help for his elimination."
"Of course, Doctor, I understand. That'll be easy.
I've been
doing it for years anyhow, only my wife has been
calling it
coffee."
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CARTOON TIME:
Mazes For Blondes...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200405/037.htm
Blonde Searches...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200405/038.htm
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FUN PAGE
Have some fun making Tony Blair boogie.
Dancing Blair...
http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/dancingblair/index.htm
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Double The Speed Of Your PC
Discover some of the most amazing secrets to speed
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disk, CD
drive, memory etc...
(2) Software Optimization - e.g. Internet
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WASHING THE DOG
A young boy, about eight years old, was at the
corner Mom &
Pop grocery picking out a pretty good size box of
laundry
detergent. The grocer walked over, and, trying to
be
friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry
to do.
"Oh, no laundry," the boy said, "I'm going to wash
my dog."
"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's
very
powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll
get sick.
In fact, it might even kill him."
But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the
detergent
to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer
still
tried to talk him out of washing his dog.
About a week later the boy was back in the store
to buy
some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog
was doing.
"Oh, he died," the boy said.
The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so,
said he was
sorry the dog died but added, "I tried to tell you
not to
use that detergent on your dog."
"Well," the boy replied, "I don't think it was the
detergent
that killed him."
"Oh? What was it then?"
"I think it was the spin cycle!"
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Have you noticed your computer running slower than
ever?
The reason for that may have to do with online
advertisers
adding SpyWare or AdWare to your computer without
your
knowledge. "Spyware" is a common term for files
that are
installed on your system without your knowledge
that allow
companies to monitor your Internet activity. "AdWare"
is
software that will show you popup ads over and
over. What
they don't tell you, however, is how these files
can be
extremely dangerous to your PC and could cause
major
problems with your PC.
We are offering every computer owner, including
yourself,
the opportunity to scan your computer to see how
many
"SpyWare" infections your PC has free of charge.
To scan your computer for free, click here:
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Our goal is to put an end to shady online
advertising so
that Internet users can enjoy the World Wide Web
without
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We urge you to run the free scan!
Click Here To Begin Scan:
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CTRL+ALT+DEL
If Bill Gates were killed in a car accident. He
might
find himself being sized up by God.
"...Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call.
I'm
not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell.
After
all, you enormously helped society by putting a
computer in almost every home in the world, and
yet
you created that ghastly Windows 95. I'm going to
do
something I've never done before. In your case,
I'm
going to let you decide where you want to go!"
Bill replied, "Well, thanks, God. What's the
difference
between the two?"
God said, "I'm willing to let you visit both
places
briefly if it will help you make a decision."
"Fine, but where should I go first?"
God said, "I'm going to leave that up to you."
Bill said, "OK, then, let's try Hell first."
So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean,
sandy
beach with clear waters.
There were thousands of beautiful women running
around,
playing in the water, laughing and frolicking
about.
The sun was shining and the temperature was
perfect.
Bill was very pleased. "This is great!" he told
God.
"If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!"
"Fine," said God, and off they went.
Heaven was a high place in the clouds, with angels
drifting about playing harps and singing.
It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell.
Bill thought for a quick minute and rendered his
decision. "Hmm, I think prefer Hell," he told God.
"Fine," retorted God, "as you desire."
So Bill Gates went to Hell.
Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the
late
billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell.
When God arrived in Hell, he found Bill shackled
to a
wall, screaming amongst the hot flames in a dark
cave.
He was being burned and tortured by demons.
"How's everything going, Bill?" God asked.
Bill responded, his voice full of anguish and
disappointment, "This is awful; this is NOT what I
expected. I can't believe this happened. What
happened
to that other place with the beaches and the
beautiful
women playing in the water?"
God says, "That was the screen saver."
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ATTENTION!!! New Virus Epidemic!
Netsky and Bagel have now infected more than a
million
computers since they were first detected, causing
losses of
more than 38,500 million dollars.
Does your computer seem to be running slower than
usual? If
you've using the Internet over the past month,
your computer
may be infected with a computer Virus that your
current
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Some of this computer viruses disable many
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