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=====> Seriously Scottish Clean Jokes For The
Whole Clan
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INTRODUCTION:
Football ::yawn:: Football ::yawn:: Football
::yawn::
It wouldn't be so boring if Scotland were in the
finals...
in fact that would be great. The only thing I've
got to look
forward to, though, is seeing England kicked out
at some
stage soon... whether they lose to Croatia or some
other
team it's bound to happen.
Then, we've got Wimbledon where everyone's always
wanting
Tim Henman to win... he's never going to do it...
never...
ever... stop waiting for something to happen that
won't.
The Olympics!!! If Athens is ready in time then
we'll get
the Olympic Games this year, I'm not really
interested in
most of the sports... but I like athletics...
especially
the 100 metres, probably because my attention span
is
about 9.9 seconds... longer than that and I get
bored.
I'm missing my soaps :-( Does anyone have a cure
for
soap withdrawal?
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
Q: Why didn’t the teddy bear eat dessert?
A: Because he was stuffed.
Q: How do you know when a train is eating?
A: You hear it choo choo-ing.
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CARTOON TIME:
Resignation...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200405/031.htm
Coming Between A Couple...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200405/032.htm
Mouse Sentenced To Death...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200405/033.htm
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FUN PAGE
This is a bit like lemmings or worms... but it
envolves
mice, it's actually quite clever and fun to play.
Cyber Mice Party...
http://www.ezines4all.com/games/cybermiceparty/index.htm
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THE VENTRILOQUIST AND HIS DOG
A ventriloquist and his little dog were traveling
through
the country and stopped at a farm house where the
man
promised the farmer he would have the dog talk
some for him
if he would give them something to eat. The farmer
brought
out some supper for the man and some bone scraps
for
the little dog.
As they were eating, the ventriloquist asked the
dog, "How
do you like your supper, Carlo?"
"Plenty bone but not much meat!" the dog appeared
to reply.
The farmer was astounded and said, "What'll you
take for
that dog?"
The traveler said, "Oh, couldn't part with my
dog."
"I'll give you $50 for him," the farmer said.
The ventriloquist said, "What do you think,
Carlo?"
And Carlo seemed to speak back to him, "Why, that
other
feller offered you $150, and now you'd sell me for
just $50?"
"Well, I need the money bad, Carlo," the man said,
and told
the farmer he would take the fifty if he would
give him fifty
more when he came back through in a month or two.
The farmer
said he would, and counted out $50 for him. The
man handed
the farmer the string that was tied around Carlo's
neck and
told Carlo goodbye.
"Are you sure you're coming back?" Carlo asked him
as he
walked away. The traveler said yes he was. "Well,"
the dog
seemed to say, "I'm sorry you're selling me, but
I'd hate to
see you get gypped. I'll not speak another word
til you come
back and this old fool gives you the rest of the
money."
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YOU KNOW YOU'RE A DOG PERSON BECAUSE...
You have a kiddy wading pool in the yard, but no
small
children.
You have baby gates permanently installed at
strategic
places around the house, but no babies.
The trash basket is more or less permanently
installed in
the kitchen sink, to keep the dog out of it while
you're at
work.
You can't see out the passenger side of the
windshield
because there are nose-prints all over the inside.
Poop has become a source of conversation for you
and your
significant other.
You refer to yourselves as Mommy and Hon.
You have 32 different names for your dog. Most
make no sense,
but he understands.
Your dog eats cat poop, but you still let him kiss
you
[just not immediately afterward, of course.]
You sign and send birthday/anniversary/Chanukah
cards from
your dog.
You put an extra blanket on the bed so your dog
can be
comfortable.
You'd rather stay home on Saturday night and watch
a rented
DVD tape and cuddle your dog than go out to the
movies.
You go to the pet supply store every Saturday
because it's
one of the very few places that lets you bring
your dog
inside, and your dog loves to go with you.
You open your purse, and that big bunch of baggies
you use
for pick-ups pops out.
You get an extra-long hose on your shower-massage
just so
you can use it to wash your dog in the tub,
without making
the dog sit hip-deep in water.
You don't think it's the least bit strange to
stand in the
back yard while it's raining because your dog
really needs
you to go out in a storm and sort of hold his paw.
Your dog is getting old and arthritic, so you go
buy lumber
and build her a small staircase so she can climb
onto the
bed by herself.
Your license plate or license plate frame mentions
your dog.
You match your furniture/carpet/clothes to your
dog.
You have your dog's picture on your office desk
[but no one
else's.]
Your parents refer to your pet as their
granddogger..
You never completely finish a piece of steak or
chicken [so
your dog gets a taste, too.]
You keep eating even after finding a dog hair in
your pasta.
You make popcorn just to play catch with your dog.
And your dog is the star of your World Wide Web
site!
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