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====> Welcome to DafterLafter
=====> Seriously Scottish Clean Jokes For The
Whole Clan
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INTRODUCTION:
It was Monday when we went to visit the Royal
Yacht
Britannia, which you can find out more about at
http://www.royalyachtbritannia.co.uk/
I hope they appreciate the free ad :-) The Yacht
is
permeanatly at Leith in Edinburgh now. It's
sitting in the
water right next to a shopping mall called 'Ocean
Terminal'.
I don't want to spoil it but the tour was really
great,
after haggling with the price (and winning) we got
in for
£2.25 each instead of the usual £8.50 and
admittedly I'm
glad that we went as we weren't sure it'd be worth
it as
we're not Museum/Art Gallery kind of people. The
staff were
all very friendly and we got the 'audio described'
tour
which gives far more detailed information than the
standard
tour but takes a lot longer to get round (Over 2
hours
rather than 30 minutes)... it can get busy at
times so I
guess they couldn't give that to everyone...
everyone
gets a handset with the audio tour, the special
audio
described one is just for the 'visually impaired',
and if
you're new to the list or don't already know
Lizzie and I
both qualify as she's totally blind and I'm not
too far off
it myself. People often ask if I'd like to have
better
eyesight and I just reply 'No, I like having my
bus pass'.
Many things on the yacht are roped/glassed off to
protect
precious artifacts. One such thing is in the Royal
Drawing
Room and is the grand piano that royals such as
Princess
Diana have played on. It made Lizzies day when she
was
allowed behind the ropes and into the room to play
the
piano, it not only brought a smile to her face but
also the
faces of the staff and other tour-goers who looked
on.
Have a fantastic day,
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
My husband and I often spell words so that our
small
children won't understand what we're saying. I
didn't
realize what a habit this had become until one day
when my
husband and I were in the grocery store at the
soup aisle.
An aggressive young woman banged into our cart,
then nudged
me over, blocking my access to the soup. Annoyed,
I looked
at my husband and said, "Boy, is she r-u-d-e!"
"Yeah," he replied, "and I'll bet she can
s-p-e-l-l."
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CARTOON TIME:
Puppy Love...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200405/028.htm
April Fool Hanging Around...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200405/029.htm
Chickens Crossing Roads...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200405/030.htm
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FUN PAGE
This is a game along the same lines as 'Crashdown'
a couple
of days ago but with a few added ideas to make it
a bit
more fun.
Cube Buster...
http://www.ezines4all.com/games/cubebuster/index.htm
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Gator was great in principle but full of spyware..
Now there
is Password Pro
Password Pal keeps track of all those pesky
passwords you
need for the Internet, online services, financial
sites,
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PARTNERS
A very successful businessman had a meeting with
his new
son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome
you into
the family," said the man. "To show you how much
we care for
you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my
business. All you
have to do is go to the factory every day and
learn the
operations."
The son-in-law interrupted. "I hate factories. I
can't
stand the noise."
"I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well then
you'll work
in the office and take charge of some of the
operations."
"I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I
can't stand
being stuck behind a desk all day."
"Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just
make you
half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you
don't like
factories and won't work in a office. What am I
going to do
with you?"
"Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out."
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<><><><><><><><> 'PLEASE VISIT OUR SPONSOR'
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HOW TO PLEASE YOUR I.T. DEPARTMENT
1. When you call us to have your computer moved,
be sure to
leave it buried under half a ton of postcards,
baby pictures,
stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies
and children's
art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply
moving to catch
a fleeting glimpse of yours.
2. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play
back the
error messages from here.
3. When an I.T. person says he's coming right
over, go for
coffee. That way you won't be there when we need
your password.
It's nothing for us to remember 700 screen saver
passwords.
4. When you call the help desk, state what you
want, not
what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need
to know that
you can't get into your mail because your computer
won't power on
at all.
5. When I.T. support sends you an E-Mail with high
importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.
6. When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his
desk, walk
right in and spill your guts right out. We exist
only to serve.
7. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail
server picks
it up and flags it as a rush delivery.
8. When the photocopier doesn't work, call
computer support.
There's electronics in it.
9. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump
it on an
I.T. person's chair with no name, no phone number
and no
description of the problem. We love a puzzle.
10. When an I.T. person tells you that computer
screens don't
have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good
argument.
11. When an I.T. person tells you that he'll be
there
shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And
just how many
weeks do you mean by shortly?" That motivates us.
12. When the printer won't print, re-send the job
at least 20
times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black
holes.
13. When the printer still won't print after 20
tries, send
the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of
them is bound
to work.
14. Don't learn the proper term for anything
technical. We
know exactly what you mean by "My thingy blew up".
15. Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for
wimps.
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Your PC might appear clean... but it could still
be full of
'Virus threats' that most antivirus programs fail
to detect
and it might very well be a Serious threat to your
privacy
as many viruses now record everything you type on
your PC
and broadcast it to the internet. This may include
credit
card numbers, passwords and sensitive information.
Most
Anti-virus programs fail to detect all viruses and
users
need an independent virus scanner in order to
detect all
viruses in your PC.
Works together with most other antiviral programs
for extra
protection or as a standalone anti virus program.
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