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====> Welcome to DafterLafter
=====> Seriously Scottish Clean Jokes For The
Whole Clan
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INTRODUCTION:
The good weather continues although my heating
isn't quite
off yet as my mother always tells me to 'see May
away'
first. The downside of good weather is insects. I
have a
nice 'general' policy in that if it buzzes then I
am
terrified of it. It doesn't matter if it's a fly,
bee or
wasp... I'm petrified. Not seeing the things
doesn't help
much as I don't know just how much of a danger it
poses or
where exactly it is... plus I don't have the
coordination or
the heart to kill anything.
If you want more than just jokes don't forget to
check out
our other lists at http://www.lablaughs.com where
the
archives from 2000 to 2003 are now fully
functioning again.
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
You know sometimes I get the sudden urge to run
around
naked. But then I just drink some Windex. It keeps
me from
streaking.
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CARTOON TIME:
Feed The Birds... To The Cat...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200402/055.htm
What's The Point?...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200402/056.htm
Scooter For Seniors...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200402/057.htm
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FUN PAGE
Nemo Aqua Energizer...
http://www.ezines4all.com/games/aqua
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MY TOWN IS SO TOUGH...
Hotels ask your name, address and next of kin when
you
register.
Our Ice Cream trucks plays "taps".
The gun shops have "Back to School" sales.
The High school newspaper has obituary columns.
Restaurants serve BROKEN leg of lamb.
Bowling center patrons only bowl overhand.
Schools require a sick note be co-signed by a
parole officer.
Christmas pageants feature the three Wise Guys.
Advice columns have hints like how to get blood
off of a
chain saw.
Our 911 emergency calling services has a two-day
waiting list.
Our "Honor students" practice saying, "Yes/No,
your honor".
Mothers give their kids $50 every day for the
holdup man.
Forgery 101 and Advanced Counterfeiting are
required subjects.
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TWENTY LAWS OF GOLF
LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the
worst is
yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th
hole,
since it has the supernatural tendency to extend
over the
course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually,
a lifetime.
LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed
almost
immediately by your worst round ever. The
probability of the
latter increases with the number of people you
tell about
the former.
LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic.
Though this
cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact
that the
more expensive the golf ball, the greater its
attraction to
water.
LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back
into play.
If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the
universe and
should be cut down.
LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a
shot, all
his playing partners must solemnly chant "You
looked up"
or else invoke the wrath of the universe.
LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more
qualified
he deems himself as an instructor.
LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has a
secret
desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole,
the
greater its desire.
LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful
torture known
to man.
LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls.
LAW 10: Sand is alive. If it isn't, how do you
explain
the way it works against you?
LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of power at the
farthest
point from the clubhouse.
LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will
always be
bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a
group you
accidentally hit into will consist of a football
player,
a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and
an IRS
agent -- or some similar combination.
LAW 13: All 3-woods are demon-possessed.
LAW 14: Golf balls from the same sleeve tend to
follow one
another, particularly out of bounds or into the
water (See
Law 3).
LAW 15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power
and
beauty.
LAW 16: "Nice lag" can usually be translated to
"lousy
putt." Similarly, "tough break" can usually be
translated
"way to miss an easy one, sucker."
LAW 17: The person you would most hate to lose to
will always
be the one who beats you.
LAW 18: The last three holes of a round will
automatically
adjust your score to what it really should be.
LAW 19: Golf should be given up at least twice per
month.
LAW 20: All vows taken on a golf course shall be
valid only
until sunset.
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