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====> Welcome to DafterLafter
=====> Seriously Scottish Clean Jokes For The
Whole Clan
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INTRODUCTION:
Looks like I got the date wrong on yesterdays
DafterLafter,
I hope you didn't delete it by mistake thinking it
was a
repeat. Anyone who did and can't retrieve it you
can view
it online at
http://www.ezines4all.com/dl200405/23.htm
I hope it's not too hard a Monday for you, relax
for the
next five minutes and enjoy this well earned
break. Don't
forget to cheer others by forwarding these jokes
to friends,
family and colleagues.
Sharingly,
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
"Well, I reckon you've been a pretty good horse,"
said the
farmer. "You work hard and I ain't had to call the
vet on
you much. I only wish you pulled the plow a little
faster."
"NO!" said the horse, "I said 'feedbag' not
'feedback'."
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CARTOON TIME:
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FUN PAGE
Alien Clones...
http://www.ezines4all.com/games/alienclones
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WHY I DIDN'T SHOW UP FOR WORK
"I had twelve bottles of whiskey in my cellar, and
was told
by my wife to empty the contents of each bottle
down the
sink... or else. So I said I would, and proceeded
with the
unpleasant task.
I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and
poured the
contents down the drain with the exception of one
glass,
which I drank. I extracted the cork from the
second bottle
and did likewise, with the exception of one glass,
which I
drank.
I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and
poured
the whiskey down the sink, with the exception of
one glass,
which I drank. I pulled the cork from the fourth
sink and
poured the bottle down the glass which I drank;
pulled the
bottle from the cork of the next and drank one
sink out of
it and threw the rest down the glass. I pulled the
sink
out ot the next glass and poured the cork from the
bottle.
Then I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the
drank
and drinked the pour. When I had every one
emptied, I
steadied the house with one hand, counted the
bottles,
corks, and glasses, and sinks with the other,
which were
29, and as the house came by I counted them again
and
finally had all the houses in one bottle which I
drank.
I was not under tho alcofluence of incohol, as
some theople
pink I was.
I was not as thunk as you might drink. I felt so
feelish,
I didn't know who was me, and the drunker I stood
thero the
longer I got."
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HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes
age, weight
and height. Let the doctor worry about them.
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull
you down.
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer,
crafts,
gardening, golfing, whatever Never let the brain
idle. "An
idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the
devil's name
is Alzheimer's.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you
gasp for
breath.
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on.
The
only person who is with us our entire life, is
ourselves.
Be ALIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether
it's
family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies,
golf or
whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve
it. If it
is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you
can
improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the
mall, or to
the next county, but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them,
at every
opportunity.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we
take, but
by the moments that take our breath away.
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