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=====> Seriously Scottish Clean Jokes For The
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INTRODUCTION:
OK, yet more on he beurocracy front...
---
Hey Phil,
I've got one of those "your tax dollars at work"
stories for
you. Nothing like being in a City Hospital
My grandfather was in his eighties when he
developed cancer.
He had Medicare and Medicaid to cover all of his
medical
expenses. He was being treated at a local city
hospital on
an Outpatient and Inpatient basis.
However the Hospital kept sending him bills. When
he
received these bills I would have to make a trip
to the
Hospital's Billing Ofiice, where they would ask me
for his
Insurance Cards, and after they verified them, the
charges
would be dismissed. This was constant problem that
seemed
to occur every few weeks and continued months
after his
death.
He passed away on July 17,1998, after which I
still kept
receiving bills. I sent them back with a letter
stating
that he passed away in THEIR HOSPITAL, and
enclosed copies
of his Insurance cards. I asked them to please fix
this
error and STOP sending me bills because frankly it
was
getting annoying.
Then I received another bill, as I was looking it
over I
noticed that they had charges on the bill for
procedures
performed in September 1998, October 1998,
November 1998,
and January 1999.
I returned this bill to them with yet another
letter and
inquired as to HOW they could have performed those
last
procedures on him months after he had been dead
and buried.
That must have done it, because I never heard from
them
again.
---
With my medical history/status I'm just glad I
don't live in
the USA, anyone who insured me would be
bankrupt... just on
a months worth of prescriptions.. I wish they
could invent
one super pill that just made you 'better'.
Maybe governments should spend more money on the
elderly,
infirm, sick and disabled instead of blowing up
peoples
houses and making them injured, disabled and dead
too.
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
A woman told a marriage counselor that her
husband's complaint
that he leads a dog's life is probably well
founded.
"He comes in the house with muddy feet," she said,
"tracks
across my clean floors, barks at nothing, growls
at his food
and makes himself comfortable on my best
furniture."
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CARTOON TIME:
Love And Marriage...
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Scary Pee Time...
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New Road Sign...
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Alien Attack...
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BLUE 56
A man goes to the doctor to find out about his
tests. "It's
real bad, I'm afraid", says the doc "you've got a
disease so
new that it hasn't even got a name yet - we just
call it
'Blue 56'. The only certain thing is that you'll
be dead in
three days"
Naturally the guy is devastated, and goes into a
big
depression. His girlfriend suggests they go to
Vegas to cheer
him up just a bit till the end comes. So he goes
reluctantly.
As he walks into the Casino, he's the millionth
customer and
wins a brand new Rolls Royce. Then he pulls the
handle of a
slot machine as he passes, and wins the golden
jackpot of
$7m. He sits down for a rest at the Blackjack
table and wins
$100,000 - straight 21's and he can't even be
bothered to
turn the cards. Weighed down with money, he throws
it onto
the nearest table. But it's the roulette wheel and
the money
is on 22 - which promptly comes up!
"Jeez," says the croupier, "I never seen luck like
that in my
whole life!"
"No, you don't understand" says the guy "I've got
blue 56"
"Woahhhh! Now you've won the raffle!!"
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SPORTS COMMENTARY
"And here's Moses Kiptanui, the 19 year old
Kenyan, who turned 20
a few weeks ago." (David Coleman)
"Its a great advantage to be able to hurdle with
both legs"
(David Coleman)
"We now have exactly the same situation as we had
at the start of
the race, only exactly the opposite." (Murray
Walker)
After playing Cameroon in the 1990 world cup
finals: "We didn't
underestimate them. They were just a lot better
than we thought."
(Bobby Robson)
On the difficulties of adjusting to playing
football and living
in Italy: "It was like being in a foreign
country." (Ian Rush)
Jimmy Hill: "Don't sit on the fence Terry. What
chance do you
think Germany has of getting through?
Terry Venables: "I think it's 50-50."
"I was in a no-win situation, so I'm glad that I
won rather than
lost." (Frank Bruno)
"There's going to be a real ding-dong when the
bell goes." (David
Coleman)
"There is Brendan Foster, by himself, with 20,000
people." (David
Coleman)
"The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the
one behind it
which is identical." (Murray Walker)
"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother
and father."
(Greg Norman)
"There have been injuries and deaths in boxing,
but none of them
serious." (Alan Minter)
"Watch the time. It gives you an indication of how
fast they are
running." (Ron Pickering)
"Just under 10 seconds for Nigel Mansel. Call it
9.5 seconds in
round numbers." (Murray Walker)
"A brain Scan revealed that Andrew Caddick is not
suffering from
stress fracture of the shin." (Jo Sheldon)
"That's inches away from being millimetre
perfect." (Ted Lowe)
"I'll fight Lloyd Honeyghan for nothing if the
price is right."
(Marlon Starling)
"If history repeats itself, I should think we can
expect the same
thing again." (Terry Venables)
"I can't tell who's leading. It's either Oxford or
Cambridge."
(John Snagge - Boat Race between Oxford and
Cambridge)
"The Queen's Park Oval, exactly as its name
suggests, is
absolutely round." (Tony Crozier)
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