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====> Welcome to DafterLafter
=====> Seriously Scottish Clean Jokes For The
Whole Clan
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INTRODUCTION:
Yet more people having problems with companies who
don't
have a satisfactory policy for cardholders who
die...
---
Hi, Phil--something similar to your credit card
joke
happened to my aunt last month. My uncle had
passed away,
and she contacted a major department store to have
their
credit card changed from both of their names to
hers only.
The young chippy who took the call told her that
they
couldn't do that without Mr. Smith coming in to
sign papers
to authorize it, and she would not listen to my
aunt trying
to explain that he had died. Finally my aunt told
her that
if she would come with her "up the country" to the
cemetery,
she would bring a shovel and let her ask Mr. Smith
herself!
The change was made. :-)
MsPurrl.
Indiana, USA
---
Write in to tell me your stories about this kind
of thing or
anything else that you just feel the world needs
told about!
It's Friday, and that means I've got to wish you
all a good
weekend... well... I don't have to... but I choose
to.
So, have a great weekend!
Phil
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QUICK JOKE
Two New York City social workers were walking
through a rough
part of the city one evening. They heard moans and
muted cries
for help from a back lane. Upon investigation,
they found a semi-
conscious man in a pool of blood.
"Help me, I've been mugged and viciously beaten,"
he pleaded.
The two social workers turned and walked away. One
remarked to
her colleague,
"You know the person that did this really needs
help."
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CARTOON TIME:
Comfort Pillows...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200402/043.htm
Breaking News...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200402/044.htm
The Special Bus...
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FUN PAGE
Adventure Elf
http://www.ezines4all.com/games/adventure_elf
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A LETTER TO MY DOGS
Dear Dogs,
When I say to move, it means go someplace else,
not
switch positions with each other so there are
still two
dogs in the way.
The dishes with the paw print are yours and
contain your
food. The other dishes are mine and contain my
food.
Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of
my plate
and food does not stake a claim for it becoming
your food
and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically
pleasing in the
slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not
a
racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the
object.
Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster
than you
can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed.
I am very
sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to
sleep on the
couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of
dogs sleeping,
they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not
necessary to sleep
perpendicular to each other stretched out to the
fullest extent
possible. I also know that sticking tails straight
out and having
tongues hanging out the other end to maximize
space used is
nothing but doggy sarcasm.
My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from
the bathroom.
If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to
get the door
shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to
turn the knob, or
get your paw under the edge and try to pull the
door open. I
must exit through the same door I entered. In
addition, I have
been using bathrooms for years, canine attendance
is not
mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the
other dogs butt.
I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a
simple change
for you.
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YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED
In 1997, Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch (M-LAW)
began a contest to
expose how frivolous lawsuits, and a concern about
potential
frivolous lawsuits, have led to a new cultural
phenomenon:
the wacky warning label.
You have probably heard about the lawsuit over a
spilled cup of
coffee. However, there are many other silly
lawsuits involving
products that have received far less attention.
For example,
did you know a man received $50,000 when he sued a
small company
that makes basketball nets because he claimed the
company was
responsible when he caught his teeth in a net
while dunking a
ball? People who make products hear about these
outrageous
lawsuits, and they often decide to slap common
sense warnings on
their product... "just in case."
Over the years, M-LAW has received hundreds of
warning labels
from people around the world. M-LAW verifies the
authenticity
of each label and selects the "Top 5" for each
year.
Following is a list of some of the best labels
from the first
five contests:
A warning on an electric router made for
carpenters cautions:
"This product not intended for use as a dental
drill."
A warning label found on a baby stroller cautions
the user to
"Remove child before folding"
A prescription of sleeping pills says,
"Warning: May cause drowsiness
A sticker on a toilet at a public facility in Ann
Arbor,
Michigan actually warns:
"Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking."
A massage chair warns: "DO NOT use massage chair
without
clothing... and, Never force any body part into
the backrest
area while the rollers are moving."
A snowblower warns: "Do not use snowthrower on
roof.˛"
A dishwasher carries this warning: "Do not allow
children to
play in the dishwasher."
A CD player carries this unusual warning: "Do not
use the
Ultradisc2000 as a projectile in a catapult."
An "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter cautions,
"Do not use near fire, flame or sparks"
A label on a hand-held massager advises consumers
not to use
"while sleeping or unconscious"
A container of underarm deodorant says,
"Caution: Do not spray in eyes"
A cartridge for a laser printer warns, "Do not eat
toner"
A household iron warns users:
"Never iron clothes while they are being worn"
A label with a hair dryer reads,
"Never use hair dryer while sleeping"
A 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow warns:
"Not intended for highway use"
A cardboard car sunshield that keeps sun off the
dashboard
warns, "Do not drive with sunshield in place"
A Bathroom Heater says:
"This product is not to be used in bathrooms"
A can of self-defense pepper spray warns users:
"May irritate eyes"
A warning on a pair of shin guards manufactured
for bicyclists
says: "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the
body they do not
cover."
A popular manufactured fireplace log warns:
"Caution - Risk of Fire"
A box of birthday cake candles says: "DO NOT use
soft wax as ear
plugs or for any other function that involves
insertion into a
body cavity.
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