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====> Welcome to DafterLafter
=====> Seriously Scottish Clean Jokes For The
Whole Clan
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INTRODUCTION:
Hello folks, not posted very often recently as I
have really
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alternative
then send me an email. Suggestions such as topic
and
yahoogroups aren't needed... they won't allow
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than list hosting costs.
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if you
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massive,
even if you haven't got a domain or site yet but
are serious
then help is at hand.
Phil (mailto:mrx@ezines4all.com)
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QUICK JOKE
I usually don't forward these kind of e-mail
warnings,
but please don't get caught out too:
SEND THIS WARNING TO EVERYONE ON YOUR EMAIL LIST.
IF A MAN COMES TO YOUR FRONT DOOR AND SAYS HE IS
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TITS,
DO NOT SHOW HIM YOUR TITS.
THIS IS A SCAM, HE ONLY WANTS TO SEE YOUR TITS.
I wish I'd seen this email yesterday. I feel so
stupid.
Signed,
A. Blonde
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FUN PAGE
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Spice Mice - Little Mice, Big Personalities!
The Spice Mice were a smash hit when Regis Philbin
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DIFFICULT COURT CASE
On March 23, 1994 the medical examiner viewed the
body of
Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a
shotgun wound
to the head. Mr.Opus had jumped from the top of a
ten-story
building intending to commit suicide.
He left a note to the effect indicating his
despondency. As
he fell past the ninth floor his life was
interrupted by a
shotgun blast passing through a window, which
killed him
instantly.
Neither the shooter nor the deceased was aware
that a safety
net had been installed just below the eighth floor
level to
protect some building workers and that Ronald Opus
would not
have been able to complete his suicide the way he
had
planned.
"Ordinarily," Dr Mills continued, "Someone who
sets out to
commit suicide and ultimately succeeds, even
though the
mechanism might not be what he intended, is still
defined as
committing suicide." That Mr. Opus was shot on the
way to
certain death, but probably would not have been
successful
because of the safety net, caused the medical
examiner to
feel that he had a homicide on his hands. The room
on the
ninth floor, where the shotgun blast emanated, was
occupied
by an elderly man and his wife. They were arguing
vigorously
and he was threatening her with a shotgun. The man
was so
upset that when he pulled the trigger he
completely missed
his wife and the pellets went through the window
striking
Mr. Opus.
When one intends to kill subject "A" but kills
subject "B"
in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of
subject "B."
When confronted with the murder charge the old man
and his
wife were both adamant and both said that they
thought the
shotgun was not loaded.
The old man said it was a long-standing habit to
threaten
his wife with the unloaded shotgun. He had no
intention to
murder her.
Therefore the killing of Mr. Opus appeared to be
an
accident; that is, assuming the gun had been
accidentally
loaded.
The continuing ivestigation turned up a witness
who saw the
old couple's son loading the shotgun about six
weeks prior
to the fatal accident.
It transpired that the old lady had cut off her
son's
financial support and the son, knowing the
propensity of
his father to use the shotgun threateningly,
loaded the gun
with the expectation that his father would shoot
his mother.
Since the loader of the gun was aware of this, he
was guilty
of the murder even though he didn't actually pull
the
trigger. The case now becomes one of murder on the
part of
the son for the death of Ronald Opus.
Now comes the exquisite twist.
Further investigation revealed that the son was,
in fact,
Ronald Opus. He had become increasingly despondent
over the
failure of his attempt to engineer his mother's
murder. This
led him to jump off the ten-story building on
March 23rd,
only to be killed by a shotgun blast passing
through the
ninth story window. The son had actually murdered
himself so
the medical examiner closed the case as a suicide.
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BIG MISTAKE
Bill is sitting at the bar staring morosely into
his
beer. Mike walks in and sits down. After trying to
start a conversation several times and getting
only
distracted grunts he asks Bill what the problem
is.
"Well," said Bill, "I ran afoul of one of those
womens
questions my wife women ask. Now Im in deep shit
at
home."
"What kind of question?, asked Mike.
"My wife asked me if I would still love her if
when
she was old, fat and ugly."
"Thats easy," said Mike. "You just say 'Of course
I
will'".
"Yeah", said Bill, "Thats what I did, except I
said
'Of course I DO.'"
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