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====> Welcome to DafterLafter
=====> Seriously Scottish Clean Jokes For The
Whole Clan
======> Owned by http://www.GreatWorldMedia.com
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INTRODUCTION:
OK, so it seems I'm not quite as blind as I
thought... the
optician who made my last glasses basically got
part of my
prescription round the wrong way... so that the
axis was
wrong. Basically it wasn't to do with the
strength... but
the internal curves that helps with focus. I ended
up with
a +2.25 when I needed a -2.25, I remember feeling
pretty
blind leaving the opticians with my new glasses...
I just
thought that I had to get used to the new
prescription.
Does anyone else where glasses? I don't see
anything out
my left eye... so the lens is their for 'cosmetic'
reasons
and is balanced with the right... I didn't fancy a
pirates
patch or a monacle.
As for my prescription it is: Sphere -15.00,
Cylinder -2.25
Axis 25... and I still try to have conversations
with
pillar boxes, which I'm told means I'm quite short
sighted.
Enjoy your jokes... from the man with his nose 1"
from the
monitor...
Have a great Easter!!!
Phil (mailto:mrx@ezines4all.com)
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QUICK JOKE
An old man was in his golden years, but that
didn't stop him
from trying to pick up the younger ladies. He went
to the
local bar, approached a very pretty and very young
woman and
said, "Where have you been all my life?"
The young lady takes one glance at him and says,
"For the first
half of it, I wasn't even born yet."
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CARTOON TIME:
Mouse...
http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_toon.php?id=C20020115
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FUN PAGE
The Most Annoying Page On The Internet (Be
Warned)...
http://www.ezines4all.com/fun/annoying.htm
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Get FREE Easter Smileys!
Get them all, by clicking here - download now!
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I'M A RABBIT
The SAS, the Parachute Regiment and the Police
decide to go
on a survival weekend together to see who comes
out on top.
After some basic exercises the trainer tells them
that their
next objective is to go down into the woods and
catch a
rabbit for their supper, returning with it ready
to skin and
cook.
Night falls. First up - the SAS. They don infrared
goggles,
drop to the ground and crawl into the woods in
formation.
Absolute silence for 5 minutes, followed by the
unmistakable
muffled "phut-phut" of their trademark silenced
"double-tap".
They emerge with a large rabbit shot cleanly
between the
eyes. "Excellent!" says the trainer.
Next up - the Para's. They finish their cans of
lager, smear
themselves with camouflage cream, fix bayonets and
charge
down into the woods, screaming at the top of their
lungs.
For the next hour or so the woods ring with the
sound of
rifle and machine-gun fire, hand grenades, mortar
bombs and
blood curdling war cries. Eventually they emerge,
carrying
the charred remains of a rabbit. "A bit messy, but
you
achieved the aim; well done", says the trainer.
Lastly, in go the coppers, walking slowly, hands
behind
backs, whistling the theme tune from Dixon of Dock
Green.
For the next few hours, the silence is broken only
by the
occasional crackle of a walkie-talkie "Sierra Lima
Whisky
Tango Fanta One; suspect headed straight for
you..." etc.
After what seems an eternity , they emerge
escorting a
squirrel in handcuffs. "What do you think you are
doing?"
asks the incredulous trainer "Take this squirrel
back and
get me a rabbit like I asked you to do five hours
ago!".
So back they go. Minutes pass. Minutes turn to
hours. Night
drags on and dawn breaks. Finally, the trainer and
the other
teams are awakened by the police, holding the
handcuffed
squirrel, now covered in scrapes and bruises, one
eye
swollen shut. "Are you taking the micky?!?!" asks
the now
seriously irate trainer. The police team leader
nudges the
squirrel, who squeaks: "All right, all right. I'm
a rabbit!"
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MEN BASHING
Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the
world
does it take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.
Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the
future?
A. He buys two cases of beer.
Q. What is the difference between men and
government bonds?
A. The bonds mature.
Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?
A. So men can remember them.
Q. How many men d! oes it take to change a roll of
toilet
paper?
A. We don't know; it has never happened.
Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are
sensitive,caring
and good-looking?
A. They already have boyfriends.
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her
husband is
every night?
A. A widow.
Q. Why are married women heavier than single
women?
A. Single women come home, see what's in the
fridge and go
to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed
and go to the fridge.
Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles
bars have
in common?
A. They're married.
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Get hilarious gags and novelty treats for your
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enemies alike. These make great presents, are
ideal for
parties or any Occasion.
Catch out friends at school or work or family at
home with
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We have all the old jokes and are bursting with
new ones.
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